November Blog: Slide Shock by Macy
Slide Shock
It was November 18, 2016. Fall was starting to become winter. As half of the 5th grade gathered around the slim green slide they formed a great big circle. It was like no one could get past. As everyone joined hands, someone climbed up a huge boulder so they could get to the slide. Then they stopped dead in their tracks to get a good momentum to go down the slide and gain static electricity, and reached out to transfer the electricity to the first person in the circle traveling at the speed of light!!!
wow I love how you say what the season is I never would have thought of that. Maybe I will add that next time I write a news story. I love when you say the speed of light it really put a picture in my mind. I wish you had some quotes I think it might make it a little more interesting. I love all of the details and when you connect parts to other things like when said the slide is slim, and when you say "it was like now one could get past." I love your story good job! :)
ReplyDeleteI like all the details you put, maybe next time you can put a few quotes but over all GOOD JOB!
ReplyDeleteI loved how you used elaboration. It made me feel like I was there. Did you ever think about going into why the slide shock started?
ReplyDeleteI like how you did not make everything about the slide, You made it feel like we were there. Great Job!
ReplyDeleteThis made me feel like I was there! I wish you could have given more background info. Why were people holding hands?
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